The ATP was saddened to learn that one of our earliest supporters, Kim Jong IL was suddenly struck by death on a train trip to Hawaii over the Christmas holidays

Kim Jong, who you may remember, led the victorious NK forces as it battled the forces of the imperial nation of America.

America, led by President Truman, finally sued for peace, offering land if IL would just call his guys off. IL declined to accept Iowa, Wisconsin, and Nevada, but ended the war anyway.

Kim Jong, who died of the sudden ILness, will be fondly remembered, and we eagerly look forward to the resumption of his witty comments, when his move to his new residence is completed.

In other news, sales this Christmas were in the minus numbers until our dear leader, President Obama using the American credit card hit on a scheme to save the nation’s bacon… He rented the state of Hawaii for Christmas.

The American credit card, btw, is not to be confused with the American Express card. The American card is an open ended charge card issued to Obama by the adoring American people when he was inaugurated.

Calling on all millionaires like Rush Limbaugh and Nancy Pelosi to aid their country in time of crisis, soon, all the congressional millionaires and others were flocking to the big Christmas party in the Aloha state.

In no time at all, because of online orders for seafood, liquor, golf equipment, etc., the Christmas sales slump was reversed. Now, with sales figures proudly sitting at plus 16, the country has a fine financial bump going into 2012.

One my favorite pictures of all time. I first saw this photo while still in school about 178 years ago and fell in love with it. The lady's name is Jerome and she's pushing a load of buffler turdies across the prarie. She was not a rich woman but she had a job.

Jerome called Rush. Jerome is an over 50 kind of guy who has agreed with Rush for over 20 years, who worked down at the warehouse driving a forklift for over 30 years. Jerome finally connected with Rush to disagree with him.

Jerome, who worked one job for most of his life, finds himself unemployed these days when his beloved company went poofs.

Jerome is a smart guy, but not very imaginative. He was the ideal employee for the warehouse…going in every day, being happy to drive his forklift, and not dreaming about much else. The salt of the earth.

Then the trap door flew out from under his feet and there he was, dangling over a dark, dank pit.

In the meantime, Rush, like every other talking head has loudly decried the current unemployment system, and the much hated 13 month extension in particular.

Jerome explained to Rush that normally he would agree with him about that too, except that now he is unemployed and has seen the other side of the coin personally.

Lest you wonder where this is going, let me assure you that normally I would agree with Rush, but in this case I’m with Jerome.

Jerome is over 50, and thus taboo for many companies who seek 30 somethings with college degrees. It’s the old old story.

More…Jerome hit the nail on the head when he reminded Rush that mathematically, the books don’t balance these days. If Rush could snap his fingers, and everyone who is unemployed could instantly have one of those jobs out there, only about 2 out of 10 would be working. Mathematically, there are way more unemployed than jobs waiting.

Unfortunately Rush can’t make it all go away, and everybody isn’t in a position to pull up roots and all and move, and in any case, there are a lot more job seekers than jobs. What’s the use of moving to Buffler, Pennsylvania when there aren’t any damn jobs there, Rush??

What sets this job problem apart from those of the past (Excepting during Jimmuh Cahtuh’s term) is that improvement is years into the future.  Back in the days Of President Carter, there were NO jobs. Likewise, these days there are NO jobs, unless you happen to be a truck driving nurse, or someone seeking commission sales of some kind. The same old ads that ALWAYS run. There must be some reason the same ads run all the time leading to post office boxes or voice mail only, and you never know who you’re dealing with…

There are especially no jobs if you are approaching or over the age of 50. Worse, if you are like Jerome, who thought he’d be at his one job forever, and never made any plans for eventualities, you’re truly screwed.

In my way of thinking, if a man has a 50-50 chance of employment, that’s fair enough. However, going in for an interview, if he has anywhere from zero to twenty percent chance to be the one hired, that’s something again. And especially if he really didn’t want to be a truck driving nurse to begin with.

Rush is absolutely correctomundo when he says that this is a man-made disaster, and the blame lays squarely with Obama, first and foremost. The unemployed are paying the price for his socialist experiments.  And it’s no big deal. You always have to break a few eggs during a full fledged revolution to help the people.

Where Rush and I part company is when he says to just go ahead and dump the unemployed off the relief roles. My question, is… THEN WHAT, Rush?? Since the jobs are not out there, through no fault of theirs, then what? The folks got to eat. Do we move them off the unemployed roles straight into welfare?

WHAT IS your immediate solution Rush??

I see that it is patently obvious that the country must support the unemployed until the environment changes. This can only begin after January 1, 2011 when the Tea Party candidates assume the position.

It’s either support them or deliver them straight to the welfare roles. Jerome was right when he says it’s a mathematical certainty.

I say support the unemployed and double, triple and fourple down on flushing every remnant of Obama’s wicked socialist plans down the toilet so that the ones who want to work can work. Create the environment that forces business to expand and hire because it’s such a great deal.

As for the slackers and users in the unemployment system. They are always with us, and they eventually take care of themselves, one way or the other.

But for the rest. The rest of the people on unemployment that hate it every hour of the day, who have no mathematical chance for employment in the system that Obama and the democrats have delivered to us starting from the first day the regime took office in 2009….. These people will go back to work if given the chance and do their part to rebuild this country.

But, in the meantime, just like we can’t just ship all the Mexicans back to where they came from, (There aren’t that many boxcars.) we can no longer think and say that we can just end unemployment for the millions and they’ll then run out and get a job. In both cases the situation has gone far beyond that. Thank you, feckless, reckless gubment. Thank you very much!

The first order of business is to do the political things that will allow business to do the business things to put people back to work.

Not so very long ago, much of the country was poor. Every rural town or wide place in the road had de rich folk living up on the hill, but the rest didn’t have so very much. And it didn’t matter. Everybody was poor. That’s just the way it was. There was only one step below poor, and that was dead. So, poor wasn’t so bad.

Today in America, even the poor are rich beyond even the dreams of the truly poor elsewhere.

So when push come to shove, and poor folks are made even poorer, I expect it just hurts more. They have more to lose. And worse, they don’t have a community they can draw on for support, like those poor folks in the rural communities who were surrounded by poor folks who never had much, really.

What is happening today is happening by design. The only way out of this mess is to break the back of the rotten communists infesting our government, and the only way to do that is to hold the Republican’s feet, and noses directly to the fire come January 1. There is a clock running…by design. According to Glenn Beck, there is also a fuse burning.

There may come a day again when nobody is going to look down their nose at you for being poor, because everybody will be poor. Shared misery. That’s Obama’s plan. It takes a village you know… Hut sweet hut.

If you can get somewhere that is quiet…and you sit there getting in touch with your feelings like a good Jedi, you’ll get the creeping feeling that something is wrong with the force. Something is coming…

I know the thought crossed your mind. The president flees to Mumbai, Inja with his courtly retinue of 400 planes and 3000 courtesans. His union and business cronies on their vacation of a lifetime come back home with a double carbon footprint the size of Delaware leaving him behind in South Korea or wherever, in exile.

It may also have crossed your mind that the likker bill for just one of his “business leaders” could pay the freight for an entire year of some unemployed person here back in the United States of America.

Asked if it was really going to cost $2 BILLION dollars, speaker to animals, Gibbs didn’t say it wouldn’t.

In a reign of fiscal terror that has baffled, stupefied, and flabbergasted God fearing conservatives nationwide, this latest business jaunt to further our relations with Mumbai is just more of the inexplicable same.

In the meantime, the man that cannot see our noses in front of his face because of his mirrored shades and laser light focus that shows only himself in the polished silver lenses enjoys the fatted calf…once again.

It just goes to prove that the generosity of the American people knows no boundaries. It is matched only by the ego of our president which also knows no boundaries. To the ones left behind it’s just so much mumbai jumbai. I’ll bet you a ten cent spot that our imports FROM Mumbai expand because of this latest frapdoodle “trade” trip.

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Fellow enemies. I will speak very LOUDLY so that all of you, even those in the back of the bus may hear. I shall speak so LOUDLY that even the terrorist liberals who are still in Gitmo, despite being ordered out by the imperial decree of the most holy on his very first day in office…are still there, may hear.

Long ago when the AlabamaTeaParty.org website was begun, it was a static website. That is to say, not in its present form. Included on the version one ATP was a page called Obama’s Top Ten. It was an effort to catalog the presidential gaffes, imperial decrees, and booboos.

I gave up. There was simply too much data.

Later, in a moment of bravado, I constituted the ObamasTopTen.com website for the express purpose to catalog the continuing top Obama screw ups of the week.

I gave up. There was too much data.

Even though my heart was pure and my intention noble, I am but one man. The task of logging all of Obama’s goofs would have taken at least 10 hours a day, and that was just to blurb. We’re not talking full articles here. Just snips.

With all the billions of dollars floating around from unnamed sources, China, and nefarious and secret conservative donors, not one single penny came to me so that I could quit everything else to concentrate on the important task of simply keeping up with all the weekly Obama injustices.

So, I had to give up. I’m just one conservative guy.

Even so, there are trainloads and boatloads and pantloads of documentation on Obama’s pathological destruction of the union. I ask…When will the Republicans, who are paid by secret donors, publish some of the past atrocities? Obama’s record is so caustic and damning in itself that narry a nickel need be spent on anything else. His record is complete.

But to the title of this article… I call for our new crop of conservatives, when elected, to be able to say, “I voted to hire before I voted to fire.”

For all of my life, until about 1994 or so, I have seen congressional committees formed to study all manner of corruption. Even back to the very dawn of television, the end product of these committees was televised.

Has anyone ever heard of Joe Velachi? In 1963, in glorious black and white, the former Mafia hit man testified before the breathless world in front of the senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations and broke the back of organized crime…for awhile. This is one example. Another was the Nixon Watergate hearings. (Tame stuff compared to today.)

In neither case was the hearing about retribution. It was just the business of righting wrongs.

Have you seen a televised corruption hearing lately?

I call on the Congress of the United States to organize committees to investigate the vast multitude of dirty and shady dealings that have brought our nation to its present state of decay.  I call for them to hire however many researchers, trouble shooters, and prosecutors as it takes.

• Ten percent unemployment. (It may be much higher depending on the calculation method.)
• 25% of children eating food purchased by food stamps.
  
• Presidential appointments circumventing the proper duty of  Congress.
  
• The backlog of pending cases of congressional corruption.
  
• The refusal of state agencies to pursue discrimination and voter intimidation.
• The questionable influence of unions on government. The list goes on and on and on…
  

In short, if this is not done, and the instruments of decay remain in place, it really doesn’t matter much what is done from this moment forward, because those very instruments were put into place to undo whatever good can be done, even as it’s attempted.

The rot runs deep, very deep. At the risk of alienating mushy moderates and wacko liberals, it is a task that must be done. If not, the progressives have already won, no matter how sincere the efforts of the new conservatives may be.

In other ATP news. The Most Conservative Blog in the United States, the same as the Tea Party itself, will still be in full vigor after the mid term elections. Most Conservative Watchdog of the Democrats and Republicans.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but we have promises to keep. And miles to go before we sleep, and miles to go before we sleep. Remember Tea Party members. Miles to go before we sleep.
-Attributed to Nicolai Dalchimsky

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This sort of photographic malfeasance is beneath the dignity of the MOST Conservative Website in America However, we found the image below while doing our diligent research into important matters of state. We do not know who actually crafted the grisly visage.

However, one must admit, if one is entirely truthful, that the photo lends itself to clever balloon titles. The photo is entitled, “ShutUpBarack.”

It is a sad fact of public life that when one is photographed as often as these two celebs, the planets must align in perfect synchronicity every once in awhile.  When that happens, the results are always better than ham handed Photoshop manipulations, like fake boogers hanging from the nose, etc.

ShutupBarack caught our eye… Originally Barack says tearfully, ” Michelle, I can’t take this. I can’t keep pretending I know what I’m doing!”

Michelle fires back, “You shut the he** up Barack! You are NOT going to ruin this for me!”

Well, we modified the caption boxes, as you see. We took out the text, leaving them pristine clean so that you can write in your own material.  You can use Photoshop, or even print out the photo so you can get to work with your pencil or crayon. It’s fun, and you learn a lot! It’s the first step to becoming a graphic artist or a comedy writer. Show off your personal design work to your workmates and boss or teacher.

Submit your best effort somewhere, and you most likely will win a prize!

Regarding our recent “If I Were Obama” contest…  We probably won’t do another contest any time soon because of our bad experience with this one. We just received this snitty mail from the grand prize winner Harold Lauder of Ogunquit Maine…

Dear ATP,

I am in receipt of your grand prize… A brand new Hybrid car. The pamflet that came with it says that its top speed is 47 miles per hour, but it has not moved from my driveway. You sent me the car alright – but you didn’t send the electric cord. I checked and a 40 mile long extension cord to make this dang car run is $39,999.00. I ain’t got that kind of money. I want my money back!
Yours Sincerely,
Harold Lauder

We replied…

Dear Mr. Lauder,

Your brand new car was a GIFT! You did not pay any money to us for us to send you. We suggest you consult with the nearest Hybrid car dealer for assistance.

Frankly, we don’t have time for this foolishness, so we’re officially out of the free prize business! We’ll just stick to most conservative business.

As it turns out, insufferably long vacations are just another dormant progressive tradition brought back to full vigor. Below, find an article from what was then known as the Perrysburg Journal, circa July 1907.

America lost its journalistic innocence for good and all in the last couple of years. Even so, we have the tendency to believe that at some point back in time, news givers were honest and neutral in their reporting.

As a student of history, I realize that different time periods have different customs. I have always made allowances. Longer vacations, for example, were more common back then, for people who had the time, means, and circumstances for them.

However, lately, I have come to the conclusion that some things are universal. FOUR months vacation for the chief executive of the United States…and he’s not taking calls? And the news media gushes bully good cheer?

Read this “neutral” piece from 1907 on the subject of presidential vacations. (The author is not stated) Liken it to what you’re hearing these days, if you are one of the diminishing breed that monitors the mainstream media.

I believe the article is exactly 180 degrees out from what it should have been. I believe I would have entitled the piece, “President Takes Some Time From Busy Vacation Schedule To Do A Little Of The Nation’s Business Occasionally.”

I have always been a TR supporter, I built the graphic below, respectfully, of bits and pieces from the time.

Like you, I loved his Big Stick theory and his attitude to conservation and hunting. However, lately, as we learn of his progressive ways, he seems, now, tarnished. The article included does not improve on the growing stain.

The people who were alive in 1907, though without Rush, Glenn, Sean, and Fox News, were not stupid. Make of the article what you will.

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The President’s Vacation
Roosevelt Always in Touch with Affairs of the Nation

DEVOTES PART OF EVERY DAY TO PUBLIC AFFAIRS
OYSTER BAY July 1907.

Although President Roosevelt is settled down at Oyster Bay for a four months’ vacation he will not be able to escape from a good deal of the labors and duties of his job. The public business at Washington goes on just the same.

There are officials to appoint, questions of policy to decide, commissions in the army and navy to sign, many other things that no one but the president can attend to, and which President Roosevelt would let no other man attend to even if he had the power.

While he spends the summer In his modest and comfortable country house at Sagamore Hill he is obliged to devote a few hours a day often more than a few to the nation’s business.

When the president went down to Oyster Bay recently he was accompanied by Secretary Loeb, Assistant Secretary Latta, and four clerks from the executive staff at Washington.

They began work next day in the executive offices In the village of Oyster Bay, three miles from the president’s house. These offices are connected by direct wire with the executive offices adjoining the White House at Washington. The clerks at the capital are therefore in as close touch with their immediate chief, Mr. Loeb, as if he were in his own office there.

Mr. Loeb, in turn, is in constant touch with the president. The whole arrangement works out in the same manner as if the capital and all the departments had been moved from Washington to Oyster Bay.

One difference is that the president never visits the executive offices in Oyster Bay. Whatever business requires to be brought to his attention is taken up by Secretary Loeb to Sagamore Hill. Mr. Loeb goes to the president in the forenoon about 11 o’clock, after he has gone through the mall and sorted out from it the letters and official papers which need to pass under the executive eye or hand. Some days Mr. Loeb gets back to the village in time to put in an hour’s work before luncheon. More often his luncheon has to wait an hour for him.

The executive offices at “the summer capital,” as Oyster Bay folk take pride in calling their village, never fail to Impress visitors by their unpretentiousness. They consist of seven office rooms and a storeroom, into which a loft above a corner grocery has been divided. Mr. Moore, the enterprising purveyor of pure food to the villagers and surrounding gentry, is a famous man every summer. The whole country hears each summer in the press dispatches of “the executive offices over Moore’s grocery.”

Mr. Moore’s pride would be greater if the president should come down some day and transact some important piece of business there. It would be a fluke 87.

The cabinet is rarely called together in the president’s vacation, and then only to consider matters regarded as of the highest importance.

Nevertheless, in the course of a summer most of the members of the cabinet pay a visit, either of business or friendship to Sagamore Hill. They often dine and sleep there. Some of the president’s closest friends in the senate, members of the “tennis” cabinet, or literary cronies, are overnight guests. But most of Mr. Roosevelt’s visitors who call by appointment are asked to arrive in the forenoon and to stay for luncheon.

It is the impression at Oyster Bay that there will be many such visits by the closest political friends of the administration from next week on. The master of Sagamore Hill Is watching with the closest scrutiny the development of the campaign for the nomination of his successor, and it is likely that he will have frequent consultations with the leading statesmen who are devoted to him and his policies.

Road change you can believe in.

It takes a cool hand to fool the American people, and we know just the man to do it. Introducing Cool Hand Barack…

What we’ve got here is… failure to communicate. Check this out…

Obama Signs Border Bill to Increase Surveillance
President Obama signed into law a $600 million bill on Friday August 13th to pay for 1,500 new border agents, additional unmanned surveillance drones and new Border Patrol stations along the southwest border.

Sounds pretty nifty, huh? Folks finally getting what they want, and passed by congress on their vacation. Serious change and all of that.

When I heard this, the old 60 watt light bulb clicked on about six inches above my noggin. So why would Obama eagerly snap up legislation that he has shown a reluctance to address, what with his pressing vacation schedule and all? I have the answer, but first let me tell you a little about a strange phenomenon in Alabama.

In Alabama, our roads aren’t too bad most days. It could be because of the comparatively mild winters. You won’t find ice scrapers or tire chains in Alabama, and the roads rarely, if ever freeze down to the dirt.

Even so, roads do wear out, and when that happens, we expect a new coat of pavement. However, in Alabama, our roads only get paved every four years or so in the last couple of months leading up to ‘lection day.

It’s an old southern tradition. Perhaps it is done by incumbent politicians to aid the voting folk to be able to get to the polls without having to dodge potholes. How thoughtful! And while the voting folks (volksvoter) are voting, maybe they will appreciate their shiny new roads so much that they’ll vote for the incumbent what brung em to the voting booth.

At least that is the theory, and it has been practiced for as long as I can remember. Even back in the day, the pols would see to it that the chain gangs would lay down a fresh new layer of tar gravel.

I make a prediction. I will predict that between now and ‘lection day, our dear President Obama, may he be blessed 72 times, will more and more do things you like. Why, were it up to him, even your newborn babies would be born fully clothed!

You watch carefully. You’ll see your roads, whatever they may be, abundantly laid with a new mane of tar gravel so magnificent that you’ll jes naturally want to thank the incumbents what brung it to you.

At least, that’s the theory. Don’t be fooled. Even de man wid no eyes can see through that. He’s a tough old boy.

Thus, the AlabamaTeaParty.org website, the Most Conservative Website in America asks this question…

What would YOU do if you were President Obama?

An example would be….

Dear ATP,

If I were President Obama, I would get rid of all the spiders. Except maybe I would keep let live the garden spider, which I kind of like. And the Writing Spider which never bit anyone that I ever heard of. And my wife likes the Wolf Spider. I don’t know why. But I would let that one alone too. My address is included. Please send my prize there!

Send your comment. Also, don’t be greedy. Send the link to this page to ALL your friends. Liberals too.

Everybody LOVES contests! The winner will receive a deluxe noprize. Think about what you can do with it. But you can’t win if you don’t send in your comment!

Please don’t think this is just some lame internet ploy to increase our readership by 1000% overnight. Your noprize awaits! Be the one!